5/14/2017

Behind Closed Eyes- My Friend's Wake

I've been eating a lot more raw vegan meals and I've noticed that my dreams are so much more lucid.  I can remember several a night. (We have several dreams a night, in case you weren't aware of this. A lot of people remember bits and pieces from each and think it's just one long dream, some people remember nothing at all)
When I was a child I could remember most of the dreams I had at night and even how they would transition from one dream to the next.
I've been having some random dreams and haven't had time to really log them in. I really need to try harder. I need to try and add them in here as soon as I wake up, or I'll forget most of the details.

Anyway, tonight, was not a very pleasant dream. I had a dream that I was surrounded by a ton of people, headed to my best friend's wake. (She died two years ago during this month...)
It was a sort of loop. I would go to her wake, sit through it, approach her, leave, the tears would start flowing, and then I would repeat it all over again. Each time I would look at her and just cry and cry. Then, during the last visit, I heard her making a joke that she was going to whisper my name the next time that I went,,,(it was strange. It's kind of hard to explain, it's like I heard her thoughts or something? But she was dead. She laughed after she said it. She always had a strange sense of humor in real life and I loved it. She made all kinds of jokes, but everyone always thought she was so funny>) In my dream, I remember responding with, "You better not do that, That would scare the hell out of anybody." and she just laughed. 
Then I woke up. I was shaking so hard and it was freezing in my room. 
No, I wasn't touched by a ghost...or was I?
I woke up on the verge of tears like I do sometimes. I had an overwhelming feeling of melancholy. I just hate dreams like that. I've had dreams of her before and yes, I always am aware that she's dead, but sometimes she talks to me and reassures me that she's okay. She'll smile at me, or give me a hug. 
Not tonight, I guess. 
I wish I could have seen her in a happier state, not lying still in a casket, like the last time I actually saw her...

It's going on 4 A.M. and I'm wide awake. It's going to be hard to fall back to asleep. To make matters worse, when  I went to wash my face, I could have sworn I heard someone say, "Mommy"...a little girl...
I do have a daughter but she is only 8 months and is asleep in her crib....My son is 7 and he's asleep in his bed, in his room.

Ugh. I think it's just one of those nights. I have weird ones sometimes. 
The last time I heard a young child saying, "Mommy, mommy" loudly in the hallway and I was a few months pregnant with my daughter. Perhaps it's her talking to me telepathically. 
Who knows, really?
Perhaps it's just my frazzled brain.