1/01/2013

Is it just me?

I have OCD. It has been something that I've tried to deal with since childhood.

I used to count everything- windows, doors, spots, cracks, lines, lights...everything! I also always had to have all of my things in a particular order. I'd move something or use something and then it would go right back in the exact same spot and I hated if anyone messed that up.

I couldn't touch certain textures or stand certain sounds...

Today, I rarely count things but occasionally I catch myself doing so. I am very annoyed by certain sounds. I try very hard to ignore them, but doing so only makes me focus on them even more. I hate the sound of people eating, the sound of someone whistling, nail biting, the cracking of knuckles, and people chewing their gum loudly. I absolutely also hate it even more when sounds are repetitive. These sorts of things drive me insane and I don't really know why. I get so annoyed that I'll even leave the room sometimes just to get away from the sound. I don't think it's normal and I wish these sorts of things didn't bother me so much, but they do.

I'm sure I drive my family crazy when I try to ignore the sound and then get moody or leave the room, but I just can't handle it all. I mean, some days are not so bad and I can get by but there are more days when I just can't take it.

I also still like to have everything in order. I like dishes put away a certain way, my books organized a certain way, the bed made a certain way, and many other things. I go through periods where I am an extreme neat freak and constantly fixing things and cleaning things my way. Other days it's easier for me to be a little more relaxed and not such a freak about it all.

I've even gone through periods where I have compulsive hand washing but then my hands get so dry and hurt and I have to keep applying lotion.

I have noticed that many of these problems are harder to deal with when I have PMS-- no big surprise there, right?

I'm pretty hard to live with, I'm sure...but it's just the way that I am. My family still loves me and I am trying to get better at dealing my little problem. I try to keep myself busy--writing, dancing, singing, playing music, video games, reading, watching movies, working out...

There's gotta be some other people out there who have a similar problem. And no I don't really want to be on medication. I'd rather try a healthier alternative, if anyone knows one...Do you know anyone with the same problem or do you suffer from something similar?